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April 28, 2010

“I know you have feelings for him,” Frog Prince told me over dinner. “I just want you to admit it.”

I didn’t know what to say. Saying no feels like a lie, but saying yes isn’t quite accurate either.

I do know that if Frog and I weren’t together then I would certainly date T. After dinner and too much beer I wouldn’t have turned my head away from the too intimate gaze. I would have let him kiss me. And I think it would have been great in that oh my god – knees weak – can’t breathe kind of way.

But I am with Frog. And so the line isn’t crossed. Nor is it acknowledged.

But I want him in my life. I notice myself a little sadder as the days between our interactions grow longer. And I miss him.

How do you tell your boyfriend that you don’t have feelings when you constantly check your phone for another text; for a call; for some brief communication about poetry or music or love.

“Let’s have dinner and talk about life/love/music bliss,” he had written before I last saw him.

Lately it’s been nothing but silence.

It makes me miss him more.

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