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First things first: a little background.

February 17, 2010

Before I get into the nitty gritty, I’ll fill you in with a quick snapshot of my life these past few years.

In 2004, I was dating a boy. The boy I thought I was going to marry. But I was just a girl, and I didn’t want to be married yet, so I set out to find new boys to fill my life with experience and love and heartache. All of those magical little words that make movies and soundtracks. We broke up in 2006 and I began to date. When I say date, I don’t mean I went out with a couple of nice boys and called it quits. No, I threw myself into online dating, went out with lots of boys from bars and coffee shops, partied like a mad woman, and had myself a grand old time. I fell in love with love, and fell in love with a man that broke my heart into tiny pieces. Then I picked them up and started all over again.

It was exhausting.

Then I met a boy. A boy that I would never have dated had we met under normal circumstances, but got to know through working together. After being friends for a year, we kissed on my birthday and the rest is history. I had liked him for so long that I couldn’t imagine it not working out. When after only a month of dating I realized it wasn’t going how I had hoped, I fought even harder for it to work. I couldn’t bring myself to believe that I was wrong about us.

We moved in together. Got a puppy. Got couple friends and talked about marriage. When friends asked I would reply, “Things are fine. He’s no prince charming, but it’s fine. It’s a grown up version of love.”

I’m in a place where I don’t know if I should believe in things like butterflies and true love. I don’t know if I should give in and settle for this nice, stable guy or if I should hold out for something more. When it comes down to it, what’s more important: finding a nice man that you know will always be there for you or finding the man that makes your heart pitter patter? And why can’t that ever seem to coincide?

3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 18, 2010 8:09 pm

    Unlucky Lucy I have just found you and let me say…your writing style makes me giggle out loud. I adore it 🙂 MK does as well, and she is reading your blog right now.Now then, about this other…no, no, no…one does not EVER settle. I am old. Old as the mountains and the rivers. I am as old as old can be. I have been engaged, and gotten unengaged and decided to just grown old alone. Because no one was "just right". AND THEN!Along came TEN. And he isn't perfect. But seriously….there is no one I would rather argue with. There is a "deep love" and all that crap there…but he's hot. I mean like really hot. To me anyway. And he tickles me. Until I pee. And all of that has to be there. Forever. Even when you are both old and wrinkly, he still has to be beautiful to you. And even when you have arthritis and can't tickle each other very well, you still try to. Do not settle my friend. Do not. Ever.

  2. February 18, 2010 11:50 pm

    NO, NO, NO. DO NOOOOOTTTT SETTLE!!!Ok you said you were a longtime reader–remember how I was so wishy washy over Church Boy? One day I liked him, the other day I didn't? I stuck with him for seven months because he was 'nice.' I mean, there was nothing wrong with him! BUt I just didn't feel 'it'. That spark–teh zsa zsa zsu. And I convinced myself that this is what real love is…it's not butterflies–it's peace and boredom and just being okay with someone. AND BOY WAS I WRONG. I cannot imagine what would have happened if I had stayed with Church Boy and never met Blog Boy. All those butterflies, I feel them now! It's like I had forgotten what I was supposed to feel. And society makes us feel bad for being picky! But holy shit–can you imagine what I would have missed out on??? I feel it now. Whatever 'it' is. THIS is how I'm supposed to feel. And let me tell you, I would have lived a very depressed life if I would have stayed with Church Boy. I wanted to settle…but I was so much of a princess I decided to wait for my prince. And I really, truly believe Blog Boy is my prince. Please don't settle. Get the courage to move on. I KNOW it's hard (hellloooo, you've read my blog!) but trust me, when your prince does come around, you will know and you will NEVER have to question it.

  3. February 19, 2010 8:38 pm

    Thank you, thank you Erika. I just freak out that I'm so messed up about relationships that I have no idea what I want…or even what TO want. It would so much easier to be a boy and not have to deal with all these feelings and questions and crap!

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