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June 3, 2010

Drama Queen and I have known each other for 12 years, which is longer than I can say I’ve known almost every other friend in my life right now. The funny thing is we were never friends. When we met at theater camp I was going into my sophomore year of high school and she was leaving for college in the next month. She hung out with the older kids, I hung out with the younger and our paths didn’t really cross too much even though we were in a tiny 25 person production.

In college I re-met her through my boyfriend at the time. They had dated briefly before he and I started going out and I hated her instantly. With her flirty ways and extremely over the top personality I wanted nothing to do with her.

Last year we did a production together and I maintained my hatred. Especially when she started dating Sinatra. Turns out we have the same taste in men.

We’ve somehow grown closer over the past few months as we’ve discussed boy problems (naturally we have the same problems) and new crushes and flirtations. And wouldn’t you know I actually consider her a friend now. Someone I can even call in a crisis. Welcome to Bizarro World.

Somehow I thought the coinciding boy stories were behind us, even when I had to tell her to back off of T the night she met him. But for whatever reason we’re somehow interchangeable when it comes to guys.

Case in point: I met a guy at a party on Saturday. Not my type at all, but the flirtation was fun. He can’t afford a phone right now (yes, winner I know) but said he’d look me up on Facebook. Fast forward to five minutes ago when I went to leave something on DQ’s wall about our plans for the weekend and there he is. Flirty McFlirterson all over DQ’s facebook wall! Apparently they met on Sunday at another function that I couldn’t make it to. Yeesh.

It’s not that I care about this guy at all, but this is just getting really annoying now.

I would understand if she and I were similar, but we’re about as different as two people can be. I’m tall, curvy and blonde (usually) and she’s short, skinny and has red curly hair. I’m a laid back shy girl. She’s a crazy in-your-face extrovert.

I know I should be able to just laugh about it, but it’s too bizarre.  Do we really need to date/flirt with/sleep with all the same guys? It’s so incestuous.


Houdini Puppy

May 20, 2010

We have a long standing problem with our little mutt, Bailey.

From day one, we knew she was smart and it came in handy when it took her only one week to become fully potty trained at 10 weeks old and another extra day to teach her to ring her bell to go outside. At 11 weeks she could sit, lie down, stay, shake, and give high five. We thought we were so lucky.

And then she began to escape. First she managed to unhinge her cheap plastic crate one day while we were at work. I came home to find a very proud puppy sitting on top of the dining room table.

We thought that buying a more durable metal crate would be better and splurged on a nice one. Within a week she learned to open the hinges. We would put her in, walk out of the room for minutes, and return to find her happily prancing out of her crate.

We tried bungie cords, zip ties, cheap padlocks. She mastered each one.

Then  Frog Prince bought heavy duty rust-proof master locks and we laughed at her while she cried from inside her crate. We all knew her luck had run out.

But we underestimated the power of her drool. Sure enough, she messed with the locks enough that the keys got stuck when we put them in. “No big deal,” we thought, “It’s not like she can figure out how to turn a key!” But turn a key she did. Her escape routine took only 5 minutes while she rotated the lock to face her, twisted the key with her mouth, removed the lock, and ran for freedom.

We were dumbfounded.

We’ve moved onto a bicycle chain wrapped around and through the bars of the crate and held in place with two master locks, but I know it’s only a matter of time before she escapes again.

Next time I’m getting a cute dumb dog. The potty training may go slower, but at least I’ll know where he is.

Sweet Jesus, That’s Inappropriate

May 13, 2010

As I mentioned before, I’ve decided (along with my mother’s pushing) to see a therapist. While I’m sure most of my problems are the usual problems of a 25 year old girl with daddy issues, it never hurts to talk to somebody else and get a new perspective. And hell, I do like to talk about myself.

Anyway, our company provides free counseling through Magellan Health Services. Basically, you call them and they hook you up with providers and then pay for it. Easy peasy, right?

Except that today, a week after my “case manager” sent me a list of therapists in my area, I got another email from her. All about Jesus. It was an honest to goodness “Praise Jesus and let him show you the light” email.

I was shocked. And then I was angry. “Who the hell does this lady think she is sending me a Jesus email?” I repeated quietly.

I wouldn’t expect an email like that from anyone. (Except from my crazy Jesus loving absent father who I told to never send me another chain letter again, and if he would like to talk to me please pick up the phone thankyouverymuch.) The fact that it came from a mental health professional? Fucking ridiculous.

I mean, I like Jesus. But I also like Buddha and Allah and Shiva and whoever or whatever else you want to pray to.  I think I’m pretty accepting of others’ beliefs. But when you mix religion with something that should have absolutely no religious connection, well then I’m pissed.

I don’t care what you practice in private or even in public, you do not send Jesus emails to your clients! Even accidental Jesus emails are a no no. I mean, does she really need to be using her work email to send her personal email? And is it really too hard to double-check the list of people you’re sending something too?

I emailed her back and called her supervisor and I’m hoping she gets some sort of scolding, but I’m still super pissed.

WWAGPD? (What would a good person do?) Yeah I’m trying to let it go.


Maybe I’m Just a Grump

May 12, 2010

I’m feeling ridiculously grumpy today and I’m not sure why.

Maybe it’s the rain, or the McDonald’s dollar menu meal in my stomach, or the crappy work day.

Maybe it’s the fact that I finally managed to sleep in my new bed last night instead of camping out on the couch and it was too cold and lonely.

Maybe it’s that T has been getting on my nerves lately and I’m really not looking forward to seeing him again tonight.

Maybe it’s that now that everyone knows I’m single, the boys are crawling out of the woodwork telling me they never saw it working out to begin with and hinting at why I should be with them instead.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m PMSing.

Maybe it’s because I’m hungover.

Maybe it’s that I’m a woman and just plain crazy.

Maybe it’s that I’m turning 26 in 4 days and my life is nowhere near what I thought it would be.

Maybe I’m just a mess. Just like everybody else.

Protected: Cake

May 10, 2010

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May 10, 2010

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May 8, 2010

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